Son #1 has four pieces of my expensive bread and a jar of jam. He is using a duck shaped cookie cutter to cut out the very middle of the bread. He is spreading the jam onto those pieces of bread and occasionally licking the butter knife he is using before putting it back into the jar to get more.
Son #2 joins Son #1 and is trying to take the knife from him so he can use it. Son #1 is stronger than Son #2 and so pulls the knife from him straight into his face, barely missing his eye! Son #1 crys for a minute before continuing his task. Son #2 eats what Son #1 gives him then when Son #1 has finished his bread and jam, Son #2 takes over the knife and jam and sits there eating the jam out of the jar with the knife. Jam is everywhere! Where am I? I am sitting on the couch watching helplessly as I am breastfeeding my new baby girl. I don't want to unlatch her and make her start to cry and then go and get my sons bawling also.
Finally my daughter finishes and smiles up at me, thanks Mom, I smile back. I set her on a blanket on the floor and then proceed to clean up the mess my boys have made. I get the jar of jam cleaned off and back in the fridge when I notice my sons are jumping over, and running around my daughter who is very vulnerably on the floor. Before I can stop them Son #2 trips and falls, he does not land on my baby instead he smacks his face into the wooden arm of the couch. He is now on the floor screaming.
"If you fall on her she will have to go to the hospital,"
I calmly explain, as I hold and comfort Son #2 who is still covered in jam I can hardly see how bad the damage to his face because it is so covered in jam.
Son #1 turns on the TV, fine, I think, it will keep him preoccupied for a minute.
I am now holding my daughter and trying to comfort her as she as been traumatized having been on the floor for so long. Son #2 is in the bathroom. What is he doing? He is trying to wash his jam covered hands. With hand sanitizer. He comes to me climbs up on the couch next to me as I am now breastfeeding my daughter again, he kisses on the baby getting jam all over her and me. I decide it is time to clean him up. My daughter has been distracted by Son#2's kisses and so has stopped eating. I sit her up in the corner of the couch, and take Son#2 to the bathroom and put him in the bath to wash the jam off of him. I can now see that he has a cut and a bruise by his eye where he hit into the couch. OUCH! I think. He had just healed from a black eye and a cut in the exact same spot. Last week he tripped into our BBQ out in the backyard. I look at it and hope that people won't think that I beat my child.
He is now clean I wrap him up in a towel and set him on the couch. I then go to get my daughter who is screaming because again I have left her in the company of Son#1 and he keeps bouncing on the couch she is sitting on and it is making her nervous.
I comfort her by bouncing her and patting her back while checking facebook, responding to a message there and then seeing what the deal is with twitter. Meanwhile Son#1 is whining at me to make him a shake. He is poking and pushing me. I ignore him. My daughter is now asleep I go to put her in her bed hoping she will take a good long nap.
I can finally make breakfast. No, I don't make cereal. I don't like it. I start to make hashbrowns, eggs and toast. I am cooking, Son#1 is watching TV, Son#2 is pushing a chair to the kitchen sink, to "wash his hands" for the 20th time, he is still naked. Son #2 is washing his hands filling dirty cups and an empty gatorade bottle with water. Whatever, I need to make breakfast.
I notice that Son#2 is spilling water all over the floor I walk over to assess the damage. I have a pool on the floor by the sink. Great. I have no towels to clean it up as they were all used yesterday when my Sons sprayed the hose in the back door. I find one that has sort of dried from yesterday. It will do. I clean up the water. The sink and the chair. Something smells funny. The hash browns are burning. Son#1 is still yelling at me to make a shake. He has gotten the blueberries out of the freezer, they are on the counter melting.
My baby girl is now crying I go in to comfort her, maybe I can get her back to sleep. Son#2 follows me and to help he starts to yell "Hi baby sissy!" "SSSSHHH" I tell him. He holds onto the side of her portable crib that she is in and jumps up onto the side, shaking the whole contraption. I manage to get her back to sleep and guide Son#2 out of the room. He is still naked. Breakfast is still not ready, though the hash browns are on a plate no longer burning. They are now cold. Son#1 is still yelling for a shake.
I start making the eggs. Son#2 is now asking for a shake. I give in I make them a blueberry banana shake. While making the eggs and toasting my last piece of bread. I doubt my Sons will eat the breakfast but I serve them up anyway.
My floor is still wet, covered with jam as well as my work table, Son#2 is still naked.
I have not showered or gotten dressed, but I will finally get to eat breakfast.
I shove it in my mouth as fast as possible. If I don't I will not get to finish.
My daughter is starting to stir.
All this in one morning. Please understand, I am not complaining. I have made it through all of this without screaming. Without ripping my hair out. Without running into my room and yelling at my sleeping husband (yes he was in bed the whole time sound asleep, don't critisize him he had just worked a graveyard shift, after working a whole day yesterday, to make a few extra bucks. Today is supposed to be a fun day, meaning an extra day to the weekend. Something they do at his work....)
Anyway I did not go in and scream at him that "I QUIT!!!"
Nope, I smile and think someday this is all going to be really funny to me.
So I get on the computer write this all down to share. And now my daughter is screaming so,on with the day....