but needing alterations ended up being too short and ill fitting.
The venue, chosen for its beautiful marble interior
ended up being odd shaped and complicated.
The cake, I gave a picture to the person making the cake of exactly what I wanted,
I told her not to put any flowers as I would do so. The cake she brought me looked nothing at all like what I asked for. I was so disappointed I couldn’t even bring myself to acknowledge it. My mother-in-law added the flowers, and although she made it look cute and complete, it still looked nothing like the cake I had envisioned.
My bridesmaids dresses, though pretty, weren’t at all what I wanted.
I wanted sundresses, they wore ball gowns.
I didn’t want to do a line, and ended up doing one anyway.
And the photography, may as well have been done by a four year old.
(I think the photographer was really tired and must have not felt like trying because I know she was more than capable of taking fabulous photo's)
I’m not kidding!
The pictures are terrible!
I don’t like going to weddings now, it brings all the bad memories of mine back to me. I can’t help but compare the beautiful brides and their beautiful weddings to my ugly disaster of a wedding.
It was especially difficult for me to attend the weddings of my husbands brothers and my own sisters. Their weddings looked so perfect from my point of view. The brides gorgeous in their gowns, hair perfect, makeup meticulously applied, flowers breathtaking. I wanted to cry each time. So depressed at the memory of my own wedding.
Though it hurts Superman’s feelings, I'm sorry babe :(
I’ve complained all together too much about our wedding.
I’ve wanted desperately to go back in time and elope.
Eloping would have been so something I would do, so fun, mysterious, and exciting.
That would have fit my personality really well.
Though Superman’s popularity would not have tolerated an elopement.
As it is I can’t do a thing about it.
I can learn form the mistakes I made and hopefully be sure that my own children don’t make the same mistakes.
I can let it go, there is no point wishing for a re-do.
Through it all, through all the regret and disappointment, there is one shining beacon that gets me through each and every wedding
I’ve attended since that fateful day seven years ago.
That shining beacon is my husband, the man I married, the man that stood proud and tall on our wedding day, oblivious to all else save only his adoring glowing bride that lit his wedding day so brightly he could see no flaws.
(though I may be slightly exaggerating his opinion of me;)
I love my Superman, I would do the whole crappy wedding all over and over and over again if only to marry the man of my dreams.
He is my dreams come true, my knight in shining armor, my one true love, my hero.
Not all of our ancestors ran around naked in summer weather. I am sure some of them lived in the arctic, right. In fact even if they did live in areas where its warm enough to run around outside naked, they probably hated it! I can take the Utah weather. I can like the snow in May. I can take it, because I am an incredibly strong, capable, enduring, awesome woman!
For more "Pour your heart out" posts click the button below
After you read what I pour out of my heart of course ;)
Hello my name is Rose and I am afraid of dogs.
When I was little this was one of my most embarrassing secrets.
I didn't want anyone to know, so I would claim allergies to dogs.
Most people won't try to
force their dog on you if you are allergic.
If you tell them dogs make you nervous/scared, their response will almost always be,
"Well he/she is a really nice dog, you don't need to worry."
I have only one time heard someone have a different response and it was,
"don't worry we keep our dogs locked up when visitors come"
Deep sigh of relief on my part.
Keeping them locked up just meant shutting them behind their bedroom door.
The door wasn't actually locked.
I came to find this out during a recent visit when Lyon (Curious Lyon)
needed to see what was behind door # 1.
Ohhh, I had nightmares for a week after that!
Here is what happened:
My family and I were visiting some friends (the awesome ones mentioned above).
Everything was fine, conversation was good, kids were playing, when suddenly,
Lyon goes for the door, the one which kept the dogs out of my sight and mind.
I sat on the floor only a few feet away.
I don't know why I didn't think Lyon could open the door, but then the Lady of the house informed me that the door was not locked.
Panic rose up inside me like an unannounced tidal wave,
picking me up in its mass and swallowing me whole.
It was just like in my bad dreams, I couldn't move fast enough.
My legs and arms heavy and disabled.
I moved slowly to try to stop Lyon before he let the dogs out, but I just couldn't get there.
And then they were upon us.
My nightmares consisted of sharp barred teeth, ferocious barking and then the attack.
I always wake up before there is any blood shed,
breathless, my heart pounding, with a ringing in my ears.
Oh the horror!
That didn't happen in real life.
The dogs, two of them, ran right past Lyon who was quite stunned and thus crying.
They ran right past me, trying to get to Lyon so I could let him know it was all okay.
Though my own heart was pounding hard enough to let him know
that I clearly did not think it was okay.
It was over in a few seconds, all was well, we weren't attacked.
I am sitting here in a cold sweat, my mouth dry, reliving it.
I know its ridiculous, as most fears are.
I can't seem to help it though.
I once decided I was going to get past it. I was going to take responsibility for my Mom's dogs while she was out of town, I was going to feed them and walk them and my Mom would come home to the happiest dogs in the world. Well the first time I went to feed them they were ravenous because the person who was supposed to be watching them had forgotten to feed them (which is why I took over) the dogs jumped and growled and groaned, I nearly had a heart attack. Finally having no other choice I tossed the dog food into their pen until I was certain they had had enough.
Imagine tossing meat to crocodiles!
That's what it felt like to me.
Talking about my fear helps though.
I don't feel nearly as anxious as I do when I am lying about it.
Now if only the truth could just set me free from this fear,
I took all my kids, on a day when I happened to have our car, while Superman was working.
I met my sister there so our kids could play while we visited. It was a lot of fun.
I had just been having a conversation with my sister about how awful it is to have to take our kids to use public bathrooms,
when Bear comes running up to me and announces that he needs to "go".
My sister gives me directions to the closest bathroom
and I head off with Bear holding my hand.
Now in my mind I am thinking,
"Bear needs to go to the bathroom."
I don't need to go to the bathroom. I am not with anybody except Bear who needs to go to the bathroom. Bear is a boy. Boy's go to the bathroom in the mens room. You know, there is a girls bathroom for girls, and a boys bathroom for boys. So since Bear is a boy and he is the one making use of the facility I head to the boys bathroom, the mens room.
I had almost reached the door when
a guy bursts out of the boys bathroom door. The door nearly knocked into Bear and myself. I shouted out to him,
And not thinking anything of the odd look he gave me as he held the door open (oh yeah he held it open!) for Bear and I to enter into the boys/mens bathroom I proceeded inside only to slowly come to the realization that,
Wait a minute.
That was a boy, I am a girl.
There is a boy looking rather surprised at me while he washes his hands at the sink
(good to know that some boys really do wash their hands in the bathroom)
So I belatedly realize my blunder and say aloud,
"Oh this is the boys bathroom, he [Bear] is a boy, I am a girl.
We need to go to the other bathroom.
Now imagine you are watching this take place. You are a young college student having a picnic at the park with a group of fellow college student girls and boys.
Is what you just witnessed funny? Oh yeah, its funny! It's, that lady [meaning me] is crazy!
I am not crazy, no, I just am a Mom.
And you know you're a Mom when you think
almost nothing of taking your child to the restroom.
Okay probably not popular belief, but I just want to make sure that you understand me.
Even if it does sound insanely cheesy, this has to be said.
I love my children, with every fiber of my being!
With every ounce of energy I have!
I would do anything to protect them,
I would go to the ends of the earth for them.
I carried them in my belly as they grew from barely there to practically ripping me apart.
And then they did rip me apart as they were thrust from my loins!
And I would do it all over again.
I love them each, and I will do my best to raise them, to teach them, and to show them my love.
So contrary to what I sometimes put on facebook and twitter, or scream and cry to Superman about, or even sometimes post on this blog; I love my children, I love them no matter what they do, even when they are crying that they hate me. I love them.
Bear, Lyon, Fenix: if you have been reading all of my blog posts sometime in the future, remember that I do love you very much.
As Moms, we complain an awful lot about what our children put us through.
We complain about sleep deprivation, we complain about potty training, we complain about teething, we complain about boogers, and poop, and spit up, other bodily fluids, we complain about snotty disrespectful teenagers, we complain about our children not listening to us, we complain about a million other things that I am sure I have yet to discover.
We often wish our children would just do this or just that. We want life to be perfect, our babies to sleep, and to learn what we teach them the first time we teach a lesson, or listen to and follow directions we give them the first time we give them.
We imagine what life would be like if things were perfect and our children too.
See but here's the thing, if it were all as we imagine, what would we laugh about, what would we talk to the other Moms about so enjoyably, what would we blog about.... The world would be an empty place without the sleep deprivation, toilet training, breast milk leaking, motherhood stories!
(This is me this morning, trying to keep my eyes open, lol!)
( I am seriously not trying to look so ornery, lol!)
This morning I am tired, no scratch that, I am exhausted! My eyes have rejected me. They don't want to open. I made the mistake of putting contacts in and now the urge to keep them closed is even stronger. Sigh, oh well. At least I can still type with my eyes half open. Though reading that's another thing all together. I am thinking I better have Superman edit this for me(done) to make sure there aren't 500 mistakes in my typing. Lol!
You know how there are those kids that are always talking about aliens, and aliens taking over bodies. Well I've seen them. You know, on Arthur "And now a Word from us kids" there is that kid that talks like he's an alien. You know what I am talking about. Don't deny it! Unless of course you don't.....
Anyway I think kids get this idea of aliens from their parents. I think this because there have been numerous times this week that I have wanted to accuse Lyon of being an alien because, good grief, he has never thrown so many fits and tantrums. It's just not normal. Alright it's normal, but he's making my stand on spanking harder and harder to stand by. Grrrr.
I really really really want to go lay down on my couch with a bowl of popcorn or a bag of chips, a Dr Pepper in my hand. Have I ever mentioned how comfortable my couch is? Well it is! The arm rest is just the right height to rest my head on without cricking my neck, the cushions have just enough give and cushiness, and it is long enough that my feet don't hang off the end. Though, as many of you know it's very beat up. To say the least. This week I've spent too much time on CSN.com, they have a large selection of furniture and oh my, just about everything else you can think of. Anyway, I looked at couch after couch, sofa after sofa. They are pretty! I want one! Someday though, someday....
Speaking of CSN.com, I am going to do a review on one of their thousands of products. Not a sofa though :( Still something awesome ;D
So stay tuned for that.
To end this rant of Friday Fragments,
My baby girl is nearly walking! She is getting too big too cute too fast!
For More Friday Fragments:
Have a fantastic Friday everyone, and an even better weekend!
Bear and Lyon were sneaking out of their room, after bedtime, and trying to get away with hanging around outside my bedroom door. Superman went to send them back to bed. When he opened the door Lyon shouts to him,
Poor little Bear crept stealthily into my room and up into bed with myself and Superman.
So stealthily in fact that I didn't notice he was there until I woke-up curled at the end of my bed with no blanket. I looked over to find Bear in my spot taking up half the bed. Oiy. I rearranged myself climbing between Superman and Bear. I woke-up again later and must have startled Bear awake because suddenly he was telling me why he came to my bed.
"I just had a bad dream Mom. I came in and then Donald Duck came in and Pete. And then Pete broke your heart Mom, for real."
You could tell he was upset about it. I tried really hard not to laugh
because lets face it its funny.
I told him that it was okay because he could fix my broken heart for me.
And that was that.
Superman carried him back to his bed, I got my spot back and all is well once again.