Wednesday, April 28, 2010

No spanking, please!

I was out for a walk and I saw a mother and her twin boys (for those of you that I know I can tell you I did not know this woman so don't worry I am not talking about you), the twins were probably 2 and were running ahead of their Mom, despite her repeated calls for them to stop. Finally she jogs to catch up to them and in anger grabs one of them spanking his bottom several times and yelling directly into his face. She was horrified that he could have run into the street and gotten hit by a car, and she was so angry about it, because she was scared. I know this because that is what she was yelling in his face. She wasn't trying to abuse the poor child, but her actions were abusive. It was scary, and mean, and unreasonable. The child had to have only been 2, what did the woman expect...

I am not judging or criticizing, I know how easy it is to act like she did when your child is flirting with danger. Its so frustrating because not only do children not understand that you are angry because you are scared for them and don't want them to be or get hurt, but also that you are scared because you love them to much to see them hurt.

The difficult thing to understand is why we would spank and hurt (because lets face it, spanking hurts!) our children when what we are spanking them for is a result of us not wanting them to be hurt! It isn't rational, it is pointless, it is heartbreaking.

Why would we act like that?

When we do, I think we deserve a big fat spanking right on our own bum!
Maybe that'd teach us.
Really, if we had to go through the same punishments that we give out to our kids, when we give them out to our kids, would we still want to do so?
I just saying.....

Ladies and Gentlemen, lets not spank our children! The only thing it will succeed in teaching them, is that you can hurt them =(
Your children should feel safe, happy, secure, and loved when in your arms.

(me and my baby Fenix :)


Frugal Vicki said...

Very good post! Yesterday we were out and about and some lady just about smacked her kid across the face when she saw me looking at her. I am glad I saved him one at least.

Wendy and Michael said...

I toatlly disagree, the woman on the street was probably me. spanking butts really doesn't hurt like swatting a hand would or giving a kid ceyanne and can be very effective if done right. let's face it if you are out on a walk putting a child in time out isn't an option and you need some way to get their attention so they understand they've done something wrong. waiting to get home to explain to a two year old is about as effective as talking to a wall.

We live in a Zoo! said...

It was honestly something I would have done too. But I still think its wrong! Not a minute later guess what the two year old was doing, running ahead again. The spanking and yelling didn't deliver the message. I think the spanking was about as affective as spanking a wall. Lol!
I wonder had she been running along with him, I know impossible for us tired moms, but had she been she wouldn't have gotten angry, and she would have been able to keep him from going into the street.. Or instead of yelling and spanking she might have caught him and gotten down to his level speaking softly into his face about how scared she was that he might get hurt followed by a hug and a request that he walk by her and show her all the things he sees around him. I know this would be hard, especially for someone like me who has the patience of a fire, but don't you think the child would hear that over the spank and the harsh tone of voice?

Wendy and Michael said...

LOL, I've had a two year old and yelling or speaking softly goes through on ear and out the next which is why spanking works, it gets their attention. I used to be against spanking until i'd tried all other techniques which didn't work. My son is old enough now that grounding is the most effective technique but there is an age where spanking is appropriate and effective that age is 2-3 years old. You have to be hitting your child pretty hard for a spank to hurt especially through clothing. Children need to learn that there are consequences for the decisions they make, what kind of consequence is having someone speak to you in a soft tone? LOL, to each their own, but spanking is not child abuse.

We live in a Zoo! said...

But the child must first learn, they need to be taught. Most of the time that lesson needs to be taught several to ten times before they learn it. (isn't it like that for most of us)
I think that most people have a hard time controlling how hard they are spanking because most of the time they are doing so in anger. (like the woman in the story) How can you be sure it doesn't hurt? If it is hurting and you are spanking several times then it is abuse! A gentle swat on the bum wouldn't be abuse. However, I find my child is more willing to listen to me when I speak softly into his ear than when I've screamed in his face shaking his shoulders and spanking him. You are right when you say "to each his own" as long as we are referring to each child learning in his/her own way. Its important to find a teaching technique that works. For me its a soft voice and quick explanation in simple words. And then a new idea of what to do instead of the problem behavior.
The point is the teach our children, not abuse them ;D