Monday, June 28, 2010

Family is forever? Of course it is....

I'm linking up a few day's early, but I am kind of pouring my heart out all week so I think it's appropriate...

"Families can be together forever, through heavenly Father's plan..."
-LDS children's songbook....

Family is so important to me.

I grew up in a big family of ten.
8 kids:
5 girls
3 boys

I, with my just older than me sister, was a middle child.
The oldest of the youngest.

My family who once all gathered under one roof, is now spread out across the land.

I always felt that my brothers and sisters were my real best friends.
And I still feel that way,
but the fact that we don't live together or even very close to each other makes that hard.

For a while I thought I'd found new brothers and sisters to fill in the gaps.
When I married my husband I married into another large family of 8.
5 boys
1 girl

My husband is the oldest.

I've loved being a part of this big family as much as I love my own.
But it hasn't lasted (the closeness that is).
School and work have caused us to spread out all across the land.

Long distance relationships with brothers and sisters, especially those that aren't your own,
are really difficult.
Well let's just say we only talk with each other when forced, not because we don't want to but because it's awkward.
What it is!

This makes me sad.

I miss sharing my house with all my friends.

Of course I have a new generation of people to make friends with.
I have my kids.
2 boys
1 girl

Life is definitely not lonely.

I am fortunate that most of the time my husband (Superman) is my best friend.
I say most of the time because he isn't ALWAYS.
Sometimes there is something of such importance to me or of such
significance and excitement,
wonder and glory,
and he doesn't share that same attitude for it.

Those moments (and they are rare) make me sad.

I want to cry over what I have lost.
(What have I lost? My childhood.)
Because you can't go back.
You can't be a kid again.
The years of innocence and petty fighting
ignorance and bliss,
care free freedom,
well it's all gone away as my years have passed.

I miss playing barbies,
I miss playing house,
I miss "Oompachada" (story for another day).

I miss yelling "freedom!" on the last day of school, after getting off the bus.

I miss walking the two miles to get downtown, just so I could buy a few treats.

I miss it all.

I also wouldn't go back for anything in the world.

Because I love playing with my kids.
I love the joy that fills me up when my kids are,
suffering from ignorant bliss,
care free,
and just plain having fun as only kids can.

I'm glad to be where I am at.
And that is all that matters!


Tylaine said...

That was beautiful. I understand you're feelings. I can totally relate to the thing you said about hubby not always feeling the same joy or excitement over something as you do. It's hard sometimes. I don't talk to my friends at home much either (when you live in different countries you kinda tend to grow apart)
It's wonderful though that you have such a wonderful family at home. :)

Shell said...

Absolutely beautiful!

Shannon and Doug said...

* tear.

I have been having very similar thoughts myself. Wish we could have stayed best friends forever and that we really could have lived next door to each other. Me in my garfield house of course. lol I miss playing "oopachada" too. The only constant in life is change I guess

blueviolet said...

When everyone gets caught up in their lives, just as you have, it's nearly impossible to maintain that kind of closeness. I'll bet when you are all together though that it feels like it always did!