And the truth comes out...

I'm a worrier.

I've never thought of myself as one, but I am.

The first step to recovery is admitting there is a problem right...

So I worry.

Big whoop, right?

Wrong.

It is a problem.

Most of the time when I really think about the things I am worrying about

I realize how ridiculous and funny it is to be worried about it.

For example:

I've had a couple of moles on one of my thighs for the majority of my life.

I've always been extremely self conscious of them.

I hated that they'd show when I wore a bathing suit, or short shorts.

The thing I worried about the most,

and this is where I laugh,

I'd worry that (the moles being brown)

people would think I had poo on my thigh.

Just a couple of perfectly round brown spots of poo.

POO!!!!!

Because people walk around like that all the time without noticing or cleaning off such spots...

These moles bothered me so much,

that last year when they started changing shape 

I ran right in to my doctor to have them removed.

Finally a reason to rid myself of this worry.

I mean a shape shifting mole can be dangerous, thus important to get taken off...

The moles came off, one at a time, a few months apart.

In place of brown spots were pink ones that would most certainly turn white, eventually.

The first one was nearly invisible until one day I noticed a new brown spot in the same place.

Did you know moles could do that?

I didn't.

I went back to my doctor.

The new mole was excised, which means it was sliced out, and then my skin was stitched back together.

I've never had a problem healing from such wounds.

I was sure this mole would heal just fine

 and I'd be left with a tiny pink line that would eventually turn white.

But it was not to be.

Instead it turned red with fury,

as though my body was offended that I had the nerve to voluntarily have part of it cut off.

It took forever for that darned spot to heal.

The second one ended up needing to be excised as well.

Sliced and stitched up.

I was supposed to keep those stitches in for two weeks.

I took them off after four days.

They were bugging me, I was worried that they'd end up red swollen and ugly again, 

and the slice was looking just fine...

So I cut them off and was certain that I'd have nothing to show for it.

Just a tiny white line.

Well, it wasn't to be.

The pink line stretched out and turned purple.

It took forever to heal.

Now instead of two teeny tiny little brown circles,

I have two big giant purple splotches.

I've tried all the scar-be-gone ointments,

and a year plus later they are still big giant purple splotches.

I like to tell people they are scars from liposuction,

Or scars from where an arrow pierced all the way through my leg.

Or gun shot wounds.

I figure that those explanations are much cooler than the truth.

That I was worried that people might think I had poo on my leg!

Of course when it comes right down to it,

those moles needed to be removed.

I'd rather have a purple splotch then the likelihood of a mole developing into a melanoma.

Incidentally I don't worry much about that happening.

Nope, I prefer irrational ridiculous things to worry about ;D

Learning and doing more...

I didn't do well in grade school,

or high school,

or my first semester of college.

When I was a kid I hated school and could not wait to be free of it.

Now it's all I can think about.

I want to go back to school/college/university so bad.

I really really and truly do.

I've completed a few of my generals, that's all.

On the one hand I find that really sad considering that I didn't do much of anything the first year I was married.  I could have gotten a whole heck of a lot of school done in that time,

but I was scared because I had failed all of my classes and didn't think I could get another grant to pay for my schooling.  Why I felt I couldn't go to school without a grant I don't know.

On the other hand.

I didn't really know what I wanted to major in at that point.

I had a general idea of majoring in health or something,

and then the plan was to transfer to BYU and enroll in their Sports Medicine program.

Now I have a much much better idea of what I want to do.

Sports Medicine is still the ultimate goal.

It's something that I find incredibly fascinating, useful, and strangely fun.

So my idea is to finish my generals and then enroll in the paramedic program at UVU.

Paramedic knowledge would be very helpful to have to go along with Sports Medicine.

I can picture myself as the head trainer at a high school,

and eventually the head trainer of a professional sport team.

I'd prefer basketball or football, volley ball would be fun too.

I think it'd be really awesome to be involved medically in the Olympics too.

I love that being trained as a paramedic could be so helpful personally.

For my kids who are so active.

For any emergency that may come along.

I get really excited just thinking about all I could do with that knowledge.

I am so excited to go back to school.

Just a couple more years and all my kids will be in school full time.

I'll be able to be in school full time.

In the mean time I can start working on my generals by taking online classes.

Come fall that is my plan.

 

That'll be me someday instead of some guy.

I figure I could minor in automobile repair.

I mean talk about being useful :D

And Lyon says...

While watching the episode of Curious George when George breaks his leg.

"Eh, every single doctor has the healing power.  Even dentists do."

I've got that joy joy joy joy.....

Do you know what?

I love waking up in the morning, really really early!

Most people seem to think I am a night person,

probably because I have a tendency to want to stay up late.

I think there is a small part in my subconsciousness that is afraid I'll miss something if I go to sleep.

So I stay up late,

and then come morning I don't want to wake-up.

But every now and then I am reminded how much I love waking up early in the morning.
And of how much more I enjoy the days when I've gotten up
and exercised,
and showered,
and eaten breakfast,
and taken my medication, lol!
All before the day is over.
Heck, before the morning is over :D

It is just that much easier to find joy during the day.
Rather than stress...

Yes, that would be Tang powder they are eating out of the canister,
and spilling all over my iPad, the table, and the floor.
That wasn't today, but were it, I would have laughed a lot harder than I did then...
Lol!

That's the kind of thing I miss in the morning when I don't wake-up  ;D

Happy Valentines day everybody,
if you have no one to love,
love yourself,
duh!

And Fenix says...

"Uhhhhh!  You're agitating me!"

said to Lyon.

Lol!!!