Friday, May 6, 2011

Life after you

Having a baby brought on so much.
We needed to get a new car.
We needed to get new baby equipment.
We needed to pay all the medical bills as they came.

Being pregnant brought on a lot of limitations.
Wanting to protect my baby.
I wouldn't finish painting the trim and doors in the last two rooms of my house.
I wouldn't finish re-finishing my kitchen table.
I couldn't eat most of my favorite things due to nausea and all.
I had no energy.
I had no strength.
I couldn't invite Bears friends over to play while I was so ill.
I couldn't invite my friends over to hang out while I was so ill.
I had a hard time cooking, cleaning, etc.

Being pregnant was hard, so hard.
Having a new baby was going to be hard, so hard.
And expensive.
And time consuming.

But none of that mattered.
I'd give up all the money for the expenses.
I'd suffer all the limitations.
Just to have that baby.

So now,
we aren't having a baby.
I have no limitations.
I am not budgeting for huge expenses.

At night when I go to bed:
I am underwhelmed.
And empty.

Then I wake-up to my kids silliness.
They pull their silly stunts.
They say their silly thoughts.
They make me laugh all day long.

I'm sad that I won't have another silly little kid.
I wonder what that baby would have been like.

But at the end of the day, in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning:

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
And I think 
That all that still matters is love and the laughter
During this life we live through
Cause life still goes on without you

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