Monday, May 2, 2011

Please please don't leave me

Just call me Mrs Carried today :(
I'm not pregnant anymore.

I kept thinking while I was pregnant how surreal it felt.
I kept wondering if maybe I wasn't really pregnant though all signs and tests indicated otherwise.
I never heard my baby's heart beat and it worried me, and now I know for good reason.

So now that I have lost the pregnancy, this not being pregnant feels surreal.
I keep waiting for some one to say,
Just kidding!

But, as much as I wish it weren't so, the baby is gone.
Along with all my hopes and plans for that baby.

In December I had absolutely no plans to have another baby.
I had no want for another baby.
I was perfectly content with things the way they were.

I was surrounded by friends, pregnant and recently having had new babies and I wasn't jealous.
I was so happy and excited for them, but still had no want for a baby of my own.
How fast things change.
So fast.......

I wanted my baby so much.
I am heart broken that come November I won't be holding my precious little bundle of joy in my arms.

I begged my baby not to leave me,
I begged and prayed, and yet my body is empty,
and I dont' know why.
But I do know that it's going to be okay.

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