Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Happy happy happy happy happy, I'm so happy today...

I am happy.
Plain and simple.


A person can be happy and also be struggling with depression.
Like me.

I keep telling people that,
"my life is better than it has ever been before!"

I have GREAT friends,
I live in a WONDERFUL neighborhood,
with SUPER neighbors,
I am married to the MOST AMAZING man,

 So how can I possibly be so depressed.
I keep saying it,
"it's 100% chemical"

Yes, there has been a lot of feelings of loss with losing my baby.
Yes, that has been a whole lot harder for me to get over than I would have thought possible.
But enough to lead me to suicidal tendencies?

It's all chemical.
It has to be.

With as great as a life as I have...

It's like being healthy, but getting a bug bite.
That little tiny spot that ITCHES!!!
You try not to scratch it, but sometimes it just gets rubbed the wrong way,
and you just can't help but give in to the temptation and,
It doesn't help the situation,
in fact it makes it worse!
The more you scratch the worse it gets, until one day you have a giant ugly scab.
Maybe an infection, maybe it's driven you so crazy you've found the only way to deal is to just cut the whole darned thing off.
And that makes you angry, and you start swearing like a sailor.
You can't seem to help it.

You can't just stop itching or, just get over it.
It's going to be there until it's gone.
You can put medicine on it, and sometimes it helps, but sometimes it doesn't.
There is no denying it, there is no saying it isn't there when it is.
And when you find yourself unable to cope with it, 
who do you turn to?
Who can take the nastiness of an infected ulcer that has no end in sight?
Who won't run away from you in terror?
When it comes right down to it, 
you'll find out.