Friday, September 9, 2011

Five day's in the psych ward... Day four...

Day four was a Sunday.
I had terrible pain in my belly and for the first time I was grateful to be able to stay in bed most of the morning and afternoon undisturbed.
Except of course when I had to go get my female needs from the tech.
It was so awful having to ask someone for everything I needed.
I imagine this must be what kids feel like.
I couldn't do what I wanted.
I couldn't get what I wanted.
I couldn't go where I wanted,
whenever I wanted.

I was brought food.
I didn't get to choose it.
I was told which clothes I could have and couldn't.
I couldn't tie my own shoes.
(laces aren't aloud for good reason)

Being a mom, I am not used to having almost everything done for me,
or having to ask for the rest of it.

It was really eye opening to experience that.
I HAD  to ask for my things.
And every time I HAD to, 
I worried that the nurse or the tech would get annoyed.
I am sure sometimes they did.
But no one ever let on if they were.
But that didn't stop me from worrying.

It made me wonder how often my kids are scared to ask me for something 
because they worry that I might get annoyed....
Because sometimes I do...

I learned it's best to simply be grateful to have someone to serve.
Even if they don't express how much they appreciate the service,
it's quite possible they don't know how.
Or maybe they don't know they are grateful yet.
But it's there.


Sunday was just such a long day.
After laying in bed,
eating breakfast and lunch,
it was still early afternoon.
Six more hours before Phil would come to visit.
I was counting.

My friend who was in her twenties had gotten really irritable.
Something she blamed on her medication.
The nurse had been hanging out with her trying to keep her busy and calm.
It was working.
I decided to join them.
They sat at the common room table coloring.
I went and sat down next to them.
I asked the girl tech who was also sitting there if I could have one of my soda's.
She went to get it for me and I begged her to bring it in the can instead of pouring it into a cup.
The rule was we weren't aloud to have cans,
but since I was surrounded my the nurse and then the tech and then another male tech
she relented and let me have it.
The male tech protested,
but I promised to drink it fast,
and fast I did drink,
while coloring.

I colored several pictures.
The kind where there are just a bunch of shapes and patterns.
I labeled each of my colorings.

-No twists or curves, just corners to round and obstacles to overcome-
-Tears drop-
-Security blanket-

And finally at long last Phil came bearing gifts.
the good kind.
I was grateful.
I hope I told him so.

No comments: