If sidewalks could talk...

You just gotta love sidewalk chalk.

It can be an entire afternoons entertainment,

or at least a few minutes anyway.

(A few minutes can often feel like an eternity)

We draw roads for our race cars.

We draw pictures of each other.

We draw pictures of anything we can think of,

spiders, spiderman, batman.

We aren't that great at drawing these things, but we try :D

We also trace each other.

Some one will lay down on the sidewalk and then someone will trace around their body.

After we are traced we draw clothes on our sidewalk person.

Today Lyon got a little carried away with "dressing" his sidewalk person.

Really I think a bathing suit would be more appropriate....

Hmmmmm.....

She has Bears bathing suit on so she could match Lyon.

Classic

I am always finding this little girl on my counter tops, usually trying to get my iPad.

The faces she makes...

Apparently its genetic, I think...

Lyon man.

Lyon is my boy.

I made him, I birthed him, I have been raising him.

Somewhere along the line he has become exactly like me.

Passionate.

Emotional.

Determined.

Stubborn.

When he wants something and it doesn't go his way, look out.

It breaks my heart every single time he falls into despair over nothing.

I know it's not nothing to him,

I know he isn't looking at the big picture,

I know that he will be over it in a matter of minutes.

Seconds if he gets what he wants....

I know that this is a very hard way to live.

Hurtful.

Lonely.

Irritating.

Sad.

But I also know that Lyon has such a sweet and soft heart.

I know that he would do anything to protect those he loves.

I know that he cares more than most people about those around him.

I know that with the right attitude he can do anything.

He is smart.

He is courageous.

He is unstoppable.

He is amazing.

And because I know all of this I can teach him,

to look past little things and focus on big things.

I can teach him to choose what is important over what is not.

I can teach him to choose what will make him happy over what will not.

Telling Time...

Bear has been learning how to tell time.

He has been learning about minutes and seconds.

He has also learned how to count to one hundred, and even two hundred 

a fact that he frequently brags about.

Me I think this is so awesome.

My boy is a genius right!

As a mom I'm aloud to think that about everything that my children do and accomplish ;)

So Bear can count and he knows about minutes.

He knows that there are 60 seconds in a minute.

And he knows that each number he counts, counts as a second.

Now being so smart he has come to realize that when I say,

"Just a minute"

He knows exactly how long that is.

So he counts to 60 and when he gets to 60 he tells me that my minute is up.

Being so smart he knows that when I say,

"Just a second"

That isn't long at all.

He only has to count to 1.

Me, apparently I need to learn.

I need to be smarter if I am going to be a mom of smart kids.

I need to learn to not say those phrases, lol!

I need to learn that even if I say,

"Just 5 more minutes"

Bear will count out those 5 minutes 

(he will count to 60 five times)

and he will be right on time when he tells me it has been 5 minutes.

And if I tell him,

"in a half hour"

He is going to ask me how many seconds are in a half hour.

And I am going to have to know.

1800

;D

It's my own fault really...Eating habits

Licking sugar off the table

Sticking his finger through his toast and covering it with ketchup before eating it

Drinking MY Dr. Pepper

(Note that it is caffeine free....)

Checking out the view through a chip

I guess it's my own fault really,

for buying said junk food,

and letting my kids get into my fridge uninhibited.....

TV drivers...

I don't know why this drives me so crazy, but for some reason it just does.

You know how every now and then there is someone acting driving on a TV show.

My latest example being Arizona on Grey's Anatomy right before her and Callie's car crash.

What drove me nuts is that Arizona hardly even glanced at the road she was driving on.

Of course she isn't really driving, pretty sure its some kind of simulation stage or whatever.

Still she is supposed to be driving and when a person is driving they usually aren't staring at the person next to them instead of the road.

Maybe a quick glance here and there or a good long look when stopped at an intersection.

In real life when you stare at your passengers
while you are driving you end up crashing or nearly crashing.
Which I realize they do in this particular instance, but usually the scene ends without a collision....

You simply cannot drive when you aren't looking where you are going.

I always notice this when watching someone pretend to drive on TV.

I have to look away because it causes me such anxiety, lol!

It shouldn't bother me so much it really shouldn't, but it so does.

Better acting is necessary for the driving segments.

Thats all there is to it....

Home made, I mean school made...

He made it for me for mothers day.

At school.

My Mom loves me

My mom likes to do gardening

This is my mom she is 22 years old
I love that he said I am 22!  Lol!

My mom likes to eat I don't know

I like to watch movies with my mom

My mom is afraid of rats

Dear mom I love you love Bear
My name is Bear and I have 1 brother and 1 sister
and I am 6

I always wondered if moms really liked gifts like this.

Now I know they are the best presents :D

The kind that bring tears.

The kind that take a moment of a child's life and freeze it for you to cherish always...

Life after you

Having a baby brought on so much.

We needed to get a new car.

We needed to get new baby equipment.

We needed to pay all the medical bills as they came.

Being pregnant brought on a lot of limitations.

Wanting to protect my baby.

I wouldn't finish painting the trim and doors in the last two rooms of my house.

I wouldn't finish re-finishing my kitchen table.

I couldn't eat most of my favorite things due to nausea and all.

I had no energy.

I had no strength.

I couldn't invite Bears friends over to play while I was so ill.

I couldn't invite my friends over to hang out while I was so ill.

I had a hard time cooking, cleaning, etc.

Being pregnant was hard, so hard.

Having a new baby was going to be hard, so hard.

And expensive.

And time consuming.

But none of that mattered.

I'd give up all the money for the expenses.

I'd suffer all the limitations.

Just to have that baby.

So now,

we aren't having a baby.

I have no limitations.

I am not budgeting for huge expenses.

At night when I go to bed:

I am underwhelmed.

And empty.

Then I wake-up to my kids silliness.

They pull their silly stunts.
They say their silly thoughts.

They make me laugh all day long.

I'm sad that I won't have another silly little kid.

I wonder what that baby would have been like.

But at the end of the day, in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning:

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter

As long as I'm laughing with you

And I think 

That all that still matters is love and the laughter

During this life we live through

Cause life still goes on without you

I am blessed!

(Fenix Rose, Lyon, Bear)

If I lay here if I just lay here....

fine

it's okay

eh, it happens

My standard answers when people tell me they are sorry,

or ask how I am.

I'm lying,

at least part of the time.

I don't quite know how to say how I feel

Sometimes I am fine,

It's not the end of the world and I will be just fine.

But other times,

I say I'm fine,

but what I really mean:

I am so sad and all I want to do is bawl,

or freak out,

or run away,

or just plain lay down and just forget the world.

I've lost something,
something that meant a whole lot to me.
And though there are far greater tragedies in this world than mine,
I've found that it's okay for me to be sad about mine.

We make plans for life while we live it,
plans for the future,
plans for happiness.

Then life happens,
sometimes how we plan and sometimes not.
And when the bad things happen we have the choice,

We can lie here, we can just lay here and just forget the world.
We can waste time chasing cars.

Or we can be sad take our moments as they come,
but get up and continue to plan and re-plan for a good and happy life.
Learning from both the good stuff and the bad.

And if we are lucky:
We go through life with family and good friends to lay with us in our moments,
but then help us up and help us stand when we are ready.

I'm grateful for my family and friends that remind me that my plans are in fact

a garden bursting into life

Even if it isn't full of the flowers that I planted,
it's beautiful.

And Bear says...

Bear found he had a wobbly tooth last night!

He is so excited.

He said,

"I can't believe I have my first wobbly tooth!"

Please please don't leave me

Just call me Mrs Carried today :(

I'm not pregnant anymore.

I kept thinking while I was pregnant how surreal it felt.

I kept wondering if maybe I wasn't really pregnant though all signs and tests indicated otherwise.

I never heard my baby's heart beat and it worried me, and now I know for good reason.

So now that I have lost the pregnancy, this not being pregnant feels surreal.

I keep waiting for some one to say,

Just kidding!

But, as much as I wish it weren't so, the baby is gone.

Along with all my hopes and plans for that baby.

In December I had absolutely no plans to have another baby.

I had no want for another baby.

I was perfectly content with things the way they were.

I was surrounded by friends, pregnant and recently having had new babies and I wasn't jealous.

I was so happy and excited for them, but still had no want for a baby of my own.

How fast things change.

So fast.......

I wanted my baby so much.

I am heart broken that come November I won't be holding my precious little bundle of joy in my arms.

I begged my baby not to leave me,
I begged and prayed, and yet my body is empty,
and I dont' know why.
But I do know that it's going to be okay.
:)