Whaley house...

Did I ever tell you about taking my boys to a haunted house?

Not just any haunted house, but

"the most haunted house in America".

We were in San Diego, visiting old town, the mormon battalion, etc,

and we kept driving past this haunted house.

My boys insisted that we go.

I planned to just walk past it, but they wanted to go in sooooo bad...

I'll admit, I kind of did too...

You have to buy tickets for a tour in order to go in, of course.

So I bought myself, Bear, and Lyon tickets.

Superman took Sissy off for a stroll to wait for us.

So my two little boys and I entered the haunted ghostly house and sat down in a room full of pews...  

I think it was the town court house back in the day...

So we walk in and take our seats,

I was immediately feeling ill.

Before we even sat down.

Pain in my chest, I felt nauseated and light headed...

We had visited a Mexican restaurant for dinner that was located across the street and I think I had a few too many spicy chips and way too much dr pepper.

My stomach was hurting too, and I was a bit worried as I didn't want to have to leave...

we'd paid for crying out loud!

I also didn't want to disappoint my boys who were certain they would see a ghost.

So the tour starts,

we listen to all sorts of fun freaky stories of the people who had died in and around the house.

We listen to stories about the people who lived there,

all sorts of adventures...

We'd move to different rooms throughout the house and sit in seats that were provided.

We gathered in long hallways, and steep staircases, learning all sorts of interesting details about these strangers lives from long ago.

I was still feeling ill.

I had a hard time making it safely up the stairs,

and coming down I thought I was going to die.

My chest hurt!

I was so woozy!

If I wasn't dying than surly it was food poisoning...

Some rational part of me must have known better,

because I made it through the entire tour.

Even with Lyon jumping all over me.

Even being in tight inescapable crowded rooms,

I made it through in one piece.

As the tour ended we stood at the doorway to leave, 

but not before hearing one more ghost story.

The woman of the house.

The mother, is said to haunt the house.

Her presence is said to be felt mostly by mothers of young children.

Her presence can be felt particularly strong on the stair case.

Her presence usually being feelings of pain in the chest.

Light headedness....

My whole body started to tingle.

My skin tightened against me.

I stood there wide eyed listening to the tour guide describe exactly
how I'd been feeling since I entered the house! 

Particularly going up and down the staircase.

I walked out of there in a bit of shock.

Bear was disappointed that he hadn't seen a ghost.

Poor Lyon just wanted to get out of there and go to the beach.

We walked down the stairs of the front porch and started up the hill 

leading to Superman, Fenix, and our truck.

Maybe it was the fresh air,

maybe it was the wide open space,

maybe it was simply that the sun was setting and the world was cooling down,

but I'll tell you what,

the second I left that house,

all ghostly presence left me.

No more chest pain,

no more lightheadedness,

no more woozyness....

Creepy?

I think so.
Happy Halloween everybody!!!

;)

And the letter goes out to...

Dear Erica,

Do you know how wonderfully amazing you are?

I hope you do, because you are absolutely amazing!!!

All your homemade, healthy, delicious, or just plain creative everything.

Clean cozy house.

Adorable children.

Supermom in every way!

You truly are an inspiration.

I am so grateful to have you as a friend and neighbor.

I know I don't say it nearly enough,

but thank you so much for all you do for me.

Thank you for bringing Bear to school in the mornings.

Thank you for being there to watch my kids for me.

Thank you for sending over some zucchini and yellow squash from your garden...

We totally ate them for dinner that night and it was delicious!!!

Thank you for being cute, fun, smart, able, and friendly!

Thank you for being my neighbor and friend.

I really and truly have the best of friends!

:D

I love them all!

Love Rose

Crap...

I went to Wal-mart on Tuesday.

Big mistake for someone without coupons to go on double coupon day.

But I thought I was being smart going in the morning instead of that night...

Who'd have thought the morning would be every bit as busy as the night...

Not only was it packed, all the lines were a mile long with people holding stacks of coupons.

So there I was wandering around Walmart with Lyon and Fenix.

Trying desperately to remember the few things that I actually went there to buy.

And of course being tempted to buy all the things that I did not go there to buy.

I wandered down the make up aisle looking for finger nail polish remover and found eyeliner, 

glistening pretty things calling my name.

Meanwhile my children climbed in and out of the cart,

begged for every interesting thing they saw,

(which I can't blame them for, as I wanted every interesting thing I saw too)

my patience was running very thin.

I just wanted a moment to think without being interrupted by,

"Mom!Mom!Mom!Mom!Mom!MOM!!!"

I rounded the corner and there stood my friend!

"Friend!!!"

Someone to talk to for a second who won't refer to me as "mom", yes!

That's all it took to recharge my patience level and send me happily on my mission through Walmart.

Of course I had to double back, because all the glistening pretty things in the make up asile had distracted me from getting the finger nail polish remover I'd gone in there for.

I managed to make it through the rest of the store unscathed.

Maybe my shopping cart was heavier than it needed to be,

with all sorts of stuff I didn't need, but I'd made it to the check out line.

I prepared to wait for a very long time.

I let my kids go over to the children entertainment shelf.

I mean that is what all the crappy toys by the check out stand are for, right...

I loaded up my stuff on the conveyer belt and watch as my items were rung up. 

The price I'd pay grew to astronomical heights...

Crap!

Half way through getting rung up I notice Lyon doing a dance that can only mean one thing.

He has GOT to go to the bathroom.

I'm hoping I can finish, pay for my stuff, and haul him home before he absolutely can't hold it anymore.

But before I can think another thought, 

he is by my side,

"Mom!Mom!Mom!Mom!Mom!MOM!!!!"

He can't hold it another minute,

so he runs off to the bathroom a few yards away.

I pay for the crap I have, frantically trying to get over by the bathroom to make sure Lyon is okay.

Fenix has taken all of the toys off the shelf and has them lined up on the floor.

Crap!

My stress level is to the ceiling ready to plummet at any second.

And then,

hey!

There is my friend again.

She could see I was struggling and asked if I needed help,

I didn't think I did,

but just her offer,

just her friendly smile, 

was enough to give me the little boost I needed to move forward.

I got Fenix, stuffed the toys on the shelf, and hauled my heavy cart to the bathrooms.

I call into the mens room,

"Lyon!"

"Mom!"

I hear him sadly say.

I was fully prepared to march straight into that bathroom if necessary...

Instead Lyon waddles to the door,

"Mom, I pooed my pants" :(

Oh crap!!!

His pants are around his ankles and he has got diarrhea sliding down his legs.

I needed to clean him up and fast.

I didn't want to do that in the mens room,

I didn't want to try and push my cart into the bathroom (practically impossible at wal mart)

And I didn't want to leave my cart sitting untended in Walmart for somebody to just walk away with...

I'd already payed for it all for crying out loud!

And somebody would totally do that....

Crap!

After a minute of deliberation I walked into the mens room; 

yanked up Lyons pants, which he groaned in discomfort about,

and pulled him carefully out of the mens room and toward the ladies room.

As were about to go into the ladies room I hear a voice shouting out to me...

What the?

I look around and there standing, in the customer service line, behind me is another one of my friends.

"Do you need help?" She calls.

yes *sob*

I gratefully ask her to keep an eye on my cart for me.

Without that to worry about my weight was lifted and I had the strength to carry on.

I tried to get Lyon to go into the ladies room with me,

he stopped short just inside the door refusing to go in because boys don't go into the girls bathroom.

I tried explaining to him why it was okay etc, etc...  He wouldn't budge.

Crap!

Finally another mom came in to the bathroom going past us with her twin boys 

who had to have been Lyons same age.

"Look", I said, "there are other boys too."

He put up no more resistance, lol!

We hustled into the bathroom where Fenix informed me that she needed to go to the bathroom.

Crap, lol!

  Of course she did!

We were waiting for the "big" handicap stall anyway 

which was occupied by another mother and several small children, 

so I took Fenix to a tiny stall knowing I could never fit them both in there, so I left Lyon waiting on the other side of the door.

Poor kid standing alone in the ladies room with poo running down his legs,

smelling awful,

what must passers by have thought...

Finally the "big" stall was all ours.

I was fortunate to have wipes with me.

By some miracle I had stuffed them in my purse at the last second before we left our house.

But I didn't bring any clothes and there was no salvaging the pants he had on.

By some other miracle I had bought Lyon a couple of shirts and Fenix some stretchy pants,

but they were in my cart.

So I left my two children (horrifying I know) alone in the handicap stall and raced out to my cart.

I must have looked like a total weirdo running around like I was...

I grabbed the clothes out of my cart,

ran back to the bathroom where my children were thankfully still waiting.

I got Lyon cleaned up and dressed.

I had to throw his clothes away,

but by the end of it all I'd survived unscathed.

Not once did I think that I would rather die than deal with such a problem.

Not once did I completely lose hope.

Not once did I curse my Heavenly Father.

I was given a challenge.

I faced it.

And I made it through to the other side.

I know Heavenly Father had a part in it,

because I never could have made it without my friends there. 

They stood as reminders that women are strong!

That women can make it through anything!

And that I am most certainly not the only person who's ever had their child crap their pants in public!

Thus it is something that is survivable.

Thank you Tahsh and Em for deciding to go to Wal mart as the exact time I needed you to :D

And Lyon says...

I told Lyon to go to the bathroom.
He replied irritatedly

"I don't have to go, uhhhhg, I wasn't even grabbing my wiener!"

Lol! He does NOT like being told what to do

And Bear says...

"Is it actually possible to get reborn again?"

Death by any other name would still be dead...

For the last 6 months (give or take) my focus has been mostly on death.

I've travelled to the very brink of it and back again without ever having to suffer physical injury.

I've obsessed about it,

fantasized about it,

witnessed it,

and have been jealous of those who've found it.

Death has been such a large part of my thoughts,

that it seems so surreal that now I'm not thinking about it so much anymore....

For now I've gotten passed my obsession with death.

I'm remembering that we live for the little things.

The funny things children say as they are learning about the world.

The quirks and talents of others and ourselves.

The little adventures mixed with the big ones.

All the failures and successes,

all the struggles and survivals,

all the ups and downs,

all the falls and ascents.

Sometimes the fun is in the free falling.

Sometimes the fun is in reaching a summit 

and looking out over what you've accomplished so far.

The best part of life is not;

"yet to come",

but the here and now.

The best part of life is right now, this moment.

The best days are everyday.

The best memories are the ones you have.

It's all about looking at the big picture;

The big picture is made up of all the little ones put together.

All together it is a perfect picture.

The dark spots mixed with the light.

The jagged edges mixed with the smooth.

I know my "picture" is going to turn out awesome,

because mine is going to be finished!

Because I'm not going to quit before it's done,

because even though it could be finished at any moment,

the point is in finishing....

I'll finish,

I hope you do too,

and I bet when we all put our pictures together it'll be breathtaking...

Therapy...

Counseling was cool for a little while, 

but I started to find that the good feelings I felt when I left wore off very quickly.  

Stress, frustration, confusion, sadness, loneliness 

building up once again to unmanageable levels.

I found myself trying really hard to be positive for my counselor 

instead of trying to let out all my emotions and what not.

What I would have liked to have done was gone in to bitch and moan about anything and everything from my laces coming undone to the nastiness of politics...

With the occasional bit of advice from the counselor...

So I stopped going...

Mostly because our insurance didn't cover the counselor I was going to.
And I haven't gotten around to finding a new one...

The good thing is that I have found a new form of therapy.

I can beat out my frustrations,

I can go everyday,

I can go at my own speed,

and though sometimes it hurts,

I always end with a smile on my face.

***

Running

***

I've loved running since I was a little girl and watched as a group of women ran around a track in a long distance race during the Olympics.

My dad was watching it on tv and I sat down next to him to watch for a minute.

I remember making the comment that they (the women racers) weren't going very fast.

To which my dad replied, "Oh yes they are!"

I didn't yet understand about the difference between long distance running and short distance sprinting...

I wanted to be a runner.

I wanted to run fast,

run races,

run far,

run fun.

In high school I joined the track team.

Within the first couple of weeks I developed shin splints.

I could barely finish the track work outs.

Within a few months I developed stress fractures in my lower legs.

At times it was impossible for me to run.

Everyday I came home from track practice and would sit waist deep in a bathtub of ice water.

I went to a doctor.

He did a bone scan and gave me some pain meds to help with the pain.

He asked me if I was "any good" as far as running races and winning went.

He told me if I wasn't "any good" I should probably just quit.

I didn't want to quit!!!

And I didn't either...

Though I often couldn't finish the work outs,

though I was rarely eligible or able to run races,

though I hated the pain and limitations of my injuries,

I kept showing up for track practices.

I kept going to all of the track meets.

I watched all of my team mates race,

some of them fast others not so fast.

The important thing always being that they finished their race.

I ran a few races,

I never won.

I didn't and don't really care too terribly much...

I just wanted to run.

So now running has become my therapy.

I go running on the open road.

I run away while simultaneously running toward whatever happens to be on my mind.

I think through everything and anything.

I often prefer not to listen to music because it interferes with my thought process.

I love running through my thoughts!

I love that, so far, I have not suffered any shin splints.

A bit of knee pain yes, but it seems to be manageable.

My goal is to be a runner.

I figure that as soon as I run an actual race,

5k, 10k, half-marathon, marathon...

I will officially qualify as a runner.

I can hardly wait!

In the mean time I will simply enjoy my running therapy

in the hopes that I can run myself into better mental and physical health.

;)

Dear Darling,

I must admit I am a bit jealous of your latest love affair...

She is; 

brilliant

radient

fast

smart

good looking

full of good ideas

thin

sleek

fun to be with

a wonderful singer

excellent at taking care of just about everything

and she speaks multiple languages...

She is young and new and though she can be a bit temperamental,

she rarely lets you down... 

I simply pale in comparison..

But one thing is for sure,

I look a heck of a lot better with my "covers" off,

and I can love you back...

So please, please, please!!!

Could you just love me more than you love your IOS...

I Love to you my Dearest Darlingest....

Yours truly,

your wife.... 

;D

Out of Africa...

Superman came home from Africa over a month ago.

He of course came bearing gifts.

Most of which are hand carved wood sculptures.

They are all amazing works of art.

He even had a bear and a phoenix bird specially carved to go with the lion he got.

They are all very cool.

I must say though that I have a favorite.

I kind of got to shop for this one with Superman via Skype.

We were video talking and I don't even remember where he was...

...the airport maybe...

Anyway he is in this store with a whole bunch of wood carvings,

 he picks one in particular up and shows it to me asking,

"Should I get this one?"

My initial reaction was,

"Gross NO"

Of coures you must understand that my view was not very clear at all.

I may as well have not been wearing my glasses.

It looked a lot dirtier to me than it actually is....

;D

But being me, 

after thinking about it for a second I told him that actually I wanted 

that particular carving.

He got it for me.

I like to tease him and tell him it is a fertility statue...

It is proudly displayed in my kitchen...

;D

Stupid or what?

I was sitting on my front porch...

The sun was low in the sky,

the kids played,

riding their bikes and scooters,

climbing the tree,

drawing with sidewalk chalk,

running around and laughing...

As I sat on my porch I noticed a caterpillar.

First of all, 

gross!!!

I hate caterpillars, hebegebe's, bleh...

So there was this caterpillar.

Climbing up the side of a cement wall.

It'd struggle in its weird wiggly way climbing up the wall,

it'd get half way up and then fall.

Okay, if I were trying to climb up a cement wall and fell,

well,

I probably wouldn't be getting back up and trying again...

This stupid caterpillar didn't even stop after it fell.

It'd get right back up to that wall and start climbing again.

I sat and watched the caterpillar as it repeatedly tried and felled.

Over and over again.

I started to think,

"Stupid caterpillar just quit already..."

But it just wouldn't.

I left my porch to tend to one child or another and when I returned,

the caterpillar had made it to the top!

I was surprised.

The caterpillar had succeeded...

Of course impossible things are possible,

I guess that stupid caterpillar wasn't stupid after all...

Determined?

Brave?

Gutsy?

Resolved?

Spunky?

Firm?

Hardy?

Valiant?

Fearless?

Courageous?

I don't know what to call it,

but I'll give that caterpillar credit for not giving up.

green caterpillar

I'll try to keep it in mind the next time I just want to quit already :/

Oh yes we do!

We name our beans.

Oh yes we do!

We eat beans at least once a week,

I find it necessary for my kids to eat them.

So one day when Bear was not wanting to eat them,

I had an idea...

"but Bear," 
I said, my voice sweet as honey, 
"these aren't just any beans, they are football beans!"

I smiled, nodding, my head with enthusiasm.

Bear looked at me intrigued...

I continued with an explanation,

"You see how they are shaped just like footballs?...  

That is why they are called football beans,

and they help you to play football really well

because they make your football muscles stronger!"

We were having kidney beans.

And Kidney beans kind of resemble footballs...

Kidney beans.............................................................Footballs

don't ya think...

What can I say,
the kid ate his beans....